it's not about me

it's been really a long time i have not update myself here. lots of stuff had happened. happy, sad, crazy, down... everything seems moving so fast. when jun 20th comes, i'm already 1 year old in my current position. not to say too far, it's been almost 1 year, i've been waiting my my graduation ceremony. just 1 ceremony. graduated a year, and after a year, the ceremony comes. not planned to wait for a year just for a ceremony. so far, i'm actually doing what i wish to do, what i've planned since i'm a kiddo. still remember, i was still in primary when i made this so-call future plan. first, of course go to high school, then study in college/uni. then, got a job, then buy a car. after that, buy a house. somehow the plan manage to pass through till now. now left a house. still remember, i even counted, what car plat i'm going to take. dream too much. if i'm not wrong, i counted i will get a WT-something. well, the car plat ran out too rapid. doesn't matter. my WWP is nice too. everything seems really going in the lane. perhaps, i shall include more stuff in my so-call plan initially. i am too ordinary. and i did not presume my current needs, eg. affection. 20 years plus of my life, still single and available. not to say i don't like my current status, but please, at least let me experience it. single doesn't only refer to soul mate, it refers to all other relationships too. did i set too high expectation? or, i'm not going to get this perfect because my life is going too good? i admit, my life since i was born, i did not fall into any loopholes. safe and peace. it's like running smoothly in the super highway. it seems perfect somehow, so, i should fall deeply into something, which is my affection? i always think that i'm not sociable. sometimes i heard people told me that i'm friendly, will get friends easily. But, deep down in my heart, i am laughing sinuously to myself. "friends?! huh! just on the surface. who knows me? nobody wants to know more. just hi-bye friend, and the'll forget about me. that's all. no-one gets close enough to see the real me." it's always me approaching others, nobody come over to approach me. sick of waiting. :( perhaps this is the real task behind all of these. wait. and wait. sometimes i do feel like i've been waiting too much, till i'm too passive. sometimes i really want to kick my own ass. "hey you stupid, why you wait?! don't waste your time to wait! action is the main thing!" that's how i really feel. always has that angel-devil mind set. sigh. wish i could shut down my brain.